u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
