So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We named our party play list daddy issues
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
