the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
