need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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