You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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