So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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