woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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