so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
