she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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