I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
