she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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