i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I party with great urgency now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
