Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
