Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
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The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
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I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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