So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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