I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
