What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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