do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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