Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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