Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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