I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
