i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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