I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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