Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
