Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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