My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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