Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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