If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
