eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
