btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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