Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
