How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
