I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
