that's an acceptable place to lick
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
