I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
