So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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