so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize