How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
