people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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