I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize