I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The best revenge is premature balding
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Someone came in the potted fern
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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