I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
