finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we're making bets on your personal life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
