you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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