a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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