You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
