dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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