So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
