I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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