1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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