Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
