are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
