even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
