**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
