I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
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it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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