My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
