dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
