can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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