I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
