I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
