Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
